I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
