I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
