listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
