His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
