First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Rumble strips road head = magical
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
