I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
