dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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