You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
