I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
