the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
