Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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