IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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