Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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