Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
my liver is dry heaving
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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