I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
