You work out of a Hotel?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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