I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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