By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
