shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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