apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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