Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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