When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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