I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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