Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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