I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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