Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
