Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
