thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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