I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
