Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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