So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
