dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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