Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
