I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize