if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
