um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
