If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
