I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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