i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
