how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
