I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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