I didn't shave. On purpose
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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