he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
