I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
