i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
