i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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