Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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