He had one of those small greek statue penises
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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