His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
