sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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