Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
