At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
