You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
