I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
