New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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