I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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