i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
