Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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