that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
