What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
